你是否曾被伴侣背叛过?如果你们要想对这段关系感到满意,那么你们彼此都应该互相信任。[1]X研究来源Simpson, J. A. (2007). Psychological foundations of trust. Current directions in psychological science, 16(5), 264-268. 两个人之间产生的信任是可以让人信赖并且长久保持不变的。[2]X研究来源Simpson, J. A. (2007). Psychological foundations of trust. Current directions in psychological science, 16(5), 264-268. 如果这份信任被打破,而且双方都想要修复它,那就要一起去努力。如果在经历出轨后,你们两人都同意一起修复这段感情,那么最终你们可能会获得一份比以前更加强烈、更加充实的感情。
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2
想清楚其他人的想法的重要性。你也许需要考虑生活中其他人对此事的想法:孩子、家人、同事或朋友。你要想清楚其他人的想法对你个人情感生活的影响。要知道,基于出轨事件不同的曝光过程,你要想继续你的生活可能会更困难。[3]X研究来源Afifi, W. A., Falato, W. L., & Weiner, J. L. (2001). Identity concerns following a severe relational transgression: The role of discovery method for the relational outcomes of infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(2), 291-308.
这将帮你决定如何继续走下去,或让你认清,在这段情感中哪一方面对未来的你更加重要。[4]X研究来源Afifi, W. A., Falato, W. L., & Weiner, J. L. (2001). Identity concerns following a severe relational transgression: The role of discovery method for the relational outcomes of infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(2), 291-308.
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5
营造一种承担责任的氛围。你的伴侣通过叙述他做过什么,使自己行为“透明化”,并愿意在被询问之前就告诉你这些事,这样来对自己的行为负责。[5]X研究来源Bird, M. H., Butler, M. H., & Fife, S. T. (2007). The process of couple healing following infidelity: A qualitative study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 6(4), 1-25. 你的伴侣应该向你承诺会做的更好,但也要明白,单单一个承诺或道歉只能在短期内恢复信任。[6]X研究来源Schweitzer, M. E., Hershey, J. C., & Bradlow, E. T. (2006). Promises and lies: Restoring violated trust. Organizational behavior and human decision processes, 101(1), 1-19.
未来,你可以考虑和伴侣更坦诚地谈一谈你对于承诺的感受和看法。[8]X研究来源Nelson, J. A., Li, C. S., Eckstein, D. G., Ane, P., & Mullener, W. (2008). Antidotes for Infidelity and Prescriptions for Long Lasting Relationships: Four Couples' Activities. The Family Journal, 16(4), 375-378.
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2
回顾过去的愤怒。你要向自己承诺会向前走下去。记住一点,你可能现在感到伤心或愤怒,但你不会永远都伤心愤怒。不要把愤怒埋在心里,而要去化解它。在你努力让痛苦消失的同时,记住这一堂课的教训。[9]X研究来源Bird, M. H., Butler, M. H., & Fife, S. T. (2007). The process of couple healing following infidelity: A qualitative study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 6(4), 1-25.
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3
练习信任。为了让你们的关系继续下去,你们之间必须产生宝贵的信任。不要去寻找她再次出轨的线索或证据。要能够宽恕你的伴侣,从长远来看,跨过这个障碍将会巩固你们的情侣关系。[10]X研究来源Afifi, W. A., Falato, W. L., & Weiner, J. L. (2001). Identity concerns following a severe relational transgression: The role of discovery method for the relational outcomes of infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(2), 291-308.
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4
对伴侣要有同理心。宽恕的一部分是要把你重要的另一半重新看做一个完整的人,以一种积极的态度对待,而不是仅仅把她当做一个会以某种方法伤害你的人。[11]X研究来源Bird, M. H., Butler, M. H., & Fife, S. T. (2007). The process of couple healing following infidelity: A qualitative study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 6(4), 1-25. 你要把你的伴侣当做一个有弱点的、易受伤害的人,不要认为他/她是怀有恶意的。[12]X研究来源Bird, M. H., Butler, M. H., & Fife, S. T. (2007). The process of couple healing following infidelity: A qualitative study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 6(4), 1-25.
试着做些角色互换和角色扮演能够帮助你与伴侣产生共鸣。[13]X研究来源Bird, M. H., Butler, M. H., & Fife, S. T. (2007). The process of couple healing following infidelity: A qualitative study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 6(4), 1-25.
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2
身边要有朋友和家人的陪伴。要让那些爱你的、能让你自我感觉变好的人围绕在你的身边。在维护你们双方关系时,能从其他人那里得到社会支持,将有助于你们向前走下去。[14]X研究来源Abrahamson, I., Hussain, R., Khan, A., & Schofield, M. J. (2011). What Helps Couples Rebuild Their Relationship After Infidelity?. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X11424257.
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4
表现爱。你要着重向伴侣表示你仍然爱着她,也接受她表示爱意的行为。对彼此友好一些,并珍惜这些善意的行为。[15]X研究来源Abrahamson, I., Hussain, R., Khan, A., & Schofield, M. J. (2011). What Helps Couples Rebuild Their Relationship After Infidelity?. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X11424257. 如果你的伴侣试着表现出对你的喜爱,你应该专注于真诚地接纳这份喜爱。