怎么应对在背地里议论你的人

有人在背地里说你的坏话，会让你心情很不好。流言蜚语一般都是在背地里散播的，往往很难找到源头。所以如果你和那些搬弄是非的人正面冲撞，事情会变得更糟。最好的做法是无视它们。你也可以通过积极参与其它活动来面对问题，以及试着改变你对流言蜚语的看法。

步骤

应对搬弄是非者

1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e7\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 1 什么都不做。虽然你可能很想出面回应，或和他们正面对峙，但有时最好的回应是无视这些流言蜚语。就这样想吧：他们没有为你着想，在背地里说这些话。那么你也不应该做些什么，让他们趁机火上添油。为了防止它带来更多负面影响，就完全无视它吧。^[1]
2. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/c\/c6\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-2-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-2-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c6\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-2-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-2-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 2 友好地对待他们。作为回应，你可以和善对待他们。他们会很困惑为什么他们说你坏话，你还对他们这么好。而且，如果你加强这种积极乐观的态度，可能会让这些人为之前说你的坏话而感到愧疚。
   • 真诚地赞美他人，比如：“小丽，看来你真的在这些传单上花了不少功夫呢。这些图案真的很漂亮！”^[2]
3. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/5\/5e\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/5e\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 3 与搬弄是非者保持距离。如果你不得不经常和他们在一起，不妨和他们保持一定的距离。即使不得不和他们打交道，也不意味着你必须和他们成为好朋友。^[3]
   • 友好待人，但不要和搬弄是非者走得太近。不要告诉他们任何私人信息，以免被他拿来当进一步的谈资。
4. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-4-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-4-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-4-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-4-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 4 弄清楚告诉你这个消息的人有什么动机。如果将这件事告诉你的是一个朋友或熟人，确认他这么做是不是在保护你的利益。大多数好朋友都不会散布任何可能伤害你感受的负面信息。如果这个人和谣言也有关系，试着弄清楚为什么他要告诉你，以及他对谣言的反应。
   • 为了更好地了解他们的动机，你可以这样问：“你是怎么知道大家这样说的？”，或是“他们散播谣言的时候，你是怎么说的？”你甚至可以直接这样问：“你现在为什么要告诉我？”
   • 你不必和告诉你这个消息的人绝交。比较聪明的做法是进一步观察这个人。他们可能不像表面那么无辜。他们可能会助长流言蜚语，而不是试着阻止它。
5. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/e\/ef\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-5-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-5-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/ef\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-5-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-5-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 5 不要搬弄是非，如果有人在背后谈论你，你会了解这是多么地令人难过。但如果你也开始搬弄是非，事情只会变得更加糟糕。有些人天生就喜欢搬弄是非，但如果没人听他们说，他们就无法这样做了。
   • 下次有人想跟你说三道四时，你可以这么说：“你知道吗？这像是在说闲话了。如果她不在这里为自己辩护，我宁愿不谈论她。”^[4]
6. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/d\/db\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-6-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-6-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/db\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-6-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-6-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 6 和管理人员谈谈。如果恶意的是非影响到了你在工作或学习的表现，你也许需要和上级谈谈这个问题。教师、校长或主管可以制止这个问题。
   • 你可以这么说：“我和某个同学或同事之间有一些问题。我觉得他正在散播关于我的谣言，这已经严重影响我，让我很难专注于学习或工作。您能和他们谈谈吗？”
   • 你所说的那个学生或员工可能以传播谣言或欺凌而闻名，上级可能会采取纪律处分。^[5]

积极应对被人议论这件事

1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/3\/32\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/32\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-7.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 1 分散自己的注意力。当别人在背后议论你时，你可能很难专心学习或工作。不要将注意力集中在消极情绪上，把精力投入到积极的活动中，分散自己的注意力。
   • 你可以重新整理一下课桌，绕着教学楼散散步，找朋友聊聊天，或者设一个时间限制来完成某个项目。
2. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/1\/14\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/14\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-8.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 2 和积极向上的人待在一起。当人们议论你时，你很容易感到孤立无援。为了对抗这种感觉，尽量与那些珍惜你的人多点来往。这些人可以提升你的情绪，增强你的自信，甚至可以让你忘记流言蜚语或谣言。^[6]
   • 召集你最好的朋友，邀请他们出去散心。你也可以多和伴侣或家人在一起。
3. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/f\/fc\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/fc\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-9.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 3 提醒自己你有多棒。他人在背后谈论你，会让你质疑自己的优点和能力。不要陷入自我批评中。为了提醒自己你的个人价值，试着有意识地想想你有什么优点。坐下来列一张清单。
   • 列出你所有的优点，包括自我欣赏和他人欣赏的特点。你可以列出类似“善于倾听”、“可靠”、“有创造力”之类的优点。^[7]
4. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/f\/fb\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/fb\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 4 做点让自己开心的事。积极的行为能带来积极的思想和情绪。当你因流言蜚语而沮丧时，对自己好点，就像对待朋友那样。做你喜欢的事，比如在公园遛狗或美甲。每天花点时间做些让自己开心的事。^[8]

重新理解流言蜚语

1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/2\/28\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/28\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-11.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 1 不要太往心里去。那些话只是他们的评论，不是你的。你不能选择别人怎么说你，但你可以选择如何回应。把流言蜚语当作他们需要为自己做的事。不要因为其他人的问题而让自己受到伤害。^[9]
2. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/2\/21\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-12.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-12.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/21\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-12.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-12.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 2 意识到他们可能在嫉妒你。你可能感觉不到，但当在别人说你坏话时，往往是因为你有一些地方让他们感到不安。这些人可能嫉妒你的长相、能力或声望。他们说你的坏话只是为了伤害你。^[10]
3. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-13.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-13.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d7\/Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-13.jpg\/v4-728px-Deal-With-People-Talking-About-You-Behind-Your-Back-Step-13.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"} 3 意识到他们可能是出于自卑。搬弄是非的人往往很自卑。他们这样做可能是为了让自己好受一些。议论你的人可能经常否定自己或缺乏自尊，所以他们对其他人的评价也比较消极。^[11]
   • 这就是为什么友好对待搬弄是非者，或赞美他们或许能终止负面评论。这些人想要的可能只是一些正面的关注，因为他们的内心深处很难过。