学会恰当地表达自己,既能让自己不憋屈,又不会对别人造成心理上的伤害,从而使生活变得更加充实,更有意义。学会忠于内心和表达自我,对于增强自信心、释放情感以及创造理想生活都特别重要。[1]X研究来源Baird, Robert. The Responsible Self: An Interpretation of Jean-Paul Sartre. Philosophy in the Contemporary World. Spring 2007, Vol. 14, Issue 1, p 144-152
步骤
方法 1 的 4:
打好基础
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/c\/c7\/Express-Yourself-Step-1-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Express-Yourself-Step-1-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c7\/Express-Yourself-Step-1-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Express-Yourself-Step-1-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"}
1
倾听自己。表达自己,是一种诚实地交流和展现自身感受的能力,是开始寻找“我是谁”旅程的一个重要环节。你可以通过倾听自己、感受自己以及观察自己对特定情境的反应,了解内心到底是怎么想的,然后采取与自己的情感相一致的行动,更好地表达自己。[2]X研究来源 Pfaffenberger, Angela H. Optimal Adult Development: An Inquiry Into The Dynamics Of Growth. Journal of Humanistic Psychology. Summer 2005, Vol. 45, Issue 3, p279-301
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images_en\/thumb\/e\/e0\/Express-Yourself-Step-2-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Express-Yourself-Step-2-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"https:\/\/www.zenmeban.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e0\/Express-Yourself-Step-2-Version-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Express-Yourself-Step-2-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><\/div>"}
2
接纳情感。接纳情绪往往具有挑战性,有些人很难学会如何倾听和尊重情绪,也有些人不知道如何正确地表达情感,甚至察觉不到自己的真实情感。人们常常忽视自己的真情实感,或者流露真情实感时感到尴尬甚至羞耻,索性把它完全掩饰。[3]X研究来源 Kahn, Jeffrey H. and Garrison, Angela M. Emotional Self-Disclosure and Emotional Avoidance: Relations with Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety. Journal of Counseling Psychology. Oct 2009. v56, n4 p573-584
越接近自己的情感,就越接近真实的自我。通常来说,越接近真实的自我,焦虑、抑郁或失落就越少。[4]X研究来源Physiological and cognitive effects of expressive dissonance. By: Robinson, Jennifer L.; Demaree, Heath A. Brain & Cognition. Feb 2007, Vol. 63, Issue 1, p70-78.
写情感日记时,思想上不要先入为主,而是先密切留意身体的反应。这样做有助于我们更加了解自己的真实感受,使它不再被抛诸脑后。[5]X研究来源 Kever, Anne; Grynberg, Delphine; Eeckhout, Coralie; Mermillod, Martial; Fantini, Carole; and Vermeulen, Nicolas. The Body Language: The Spontaneous Influence of Congruent Bodily Arousal on the Awareness of Emotional Words. Journal of Experimental Psychology. Human Perception & Performance. Jun2015, Vol. 41 Issue 3, p582-589
人类天生就是情绪化的生物,尤其在一个快节奏的社会里,很容易与自己的真实感受脱节。[6]X研究来源 Koole, Sander L. The psychology of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Cognition & Emotion. Jan2009, Vol. 23 Issue 1, p4-41
当看到令你伤心的事物时,比如说某个不幸的人或者迷路的小动物,就在日记里写下你最真实的悲伤情绪,然后密切留意身体的反应。[7]X研究来源 Segal, Daniel L.; Tucker, Heather C.; Coolidge, Frederick L. A Comparison of Positive Versus Negative Emotional Expression in a Written Disclosure Study Among Distressed Students. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. Jun 2009, Vol. 18 Issue 4, p367-381
其它情绪也可以用上述的方式处理。[8]X研究来源 Wang, Yu and Kong, Feng. The Role of Emotional Intelligence in the Impact of Mindfulness on Life Satisfaction and Mental Distress. Social Indicators Research. May 2014, Vol. 116, Issue 3, p843-852
比方说,当你把自己的愤怒告知老板,老板很有可能非常懊恼。因此,你得事先考虑清楚,问问自己:要是直接对老板泄愤,会对自己造成怎样的后果,而在这种情形下,老板又会听得进你的抱怨吗?会心服口服地体谅你吗?要是你先在家里把愤怒的情绪在情感日记里剖析清楚,考虑周全如何表达自己的愤怒后,才采取恰当的行动,这样一来,难道不比动辄就找老板泄愤来得更好吗?的确,我们首先得确保自己的情绪是合理的,其次要确保表达情绪的方式是恰当的。[9]X研究来源 Betzler, Monika. Making Sense of Actions Expressing Emotions. Dialectica: International Journal of Philosophy & Official Organ of the ESAP. Sep 2007, Vol. 61, Issue 3, p447-466
当今生活中,很少有恰当表达情感的案例可供人们效仿,似乎恰当表达情感的基本方法已销声匿迹。其实,恰当地表达自己,对促进身心健康,保持人际交往中与他人的适当距离,提升他人对你的认可度,以及满足自身的情感需求都是很重要的。[10]X研究来源 Nogueira, Ana Lúcia Horta. Emotional experience, meaning, and sense production: Interweaving concepts to dialogue with the funds of identity approach. Culture & Psychology. Mar2014, Vol. 20 Issue 1, p49-58.
当你使用“我”作为句子的主语时,就表明你忠于自己,忠于自己的真情实感,并对自己表达出来的情感负责。[11]X研究来源 Betzler, Monika. Making Sense of Actions Expressing Emotions. Dialectica: International Journal of Philosophy & Official Organ of the ESAP. Sep 2007, Vol. 61, Issue 3, p447-466
认识自我并恰当地表达自己,并不简单。然而,忠于自我是尊重自己和认同自己的体现,使生活变得更丰富多彩,更有深度,更能体现自我价值。[12]X研究来源 Kahn, Jeffrey H. and Garrison, Angela M. Emotional Self-Disclosure and Emotional Avoidance: Relations with Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety. Journal of Counseling Psychology, Oct 2009, v56, n4, p573-584
要是你担心自己没人约束而对跳舞半途而废,你可以报名参加跳舞培训班。有些舞蹈工作室提供给初学者的课程,并不需要你花费大量的时间在课程上。你可以根据喜好,选择街舞、爵士舞或芭蕾舞的初级课程。[15]X研究来源Strassel, Juliane K.; Cherkin, Daniel C.; Steuten, Lotte; Sherman, Karen J. and Vrijhoef, Hubertus J. M. A Systematic Review of the Evidence for the Effectiveness of Dance Therapy. Alternative Therapies in Health & Medicine. May/Jun2011, Vol. 17 Issue 3, p50-59
通过写作能够很好地认知自己的内心。写作能让你深刻地了解自己内心最真实的想法和感受,而这些想法和感受可能连你自己都没有意识到。[16]X研究来源Chavis, Geri Giebel. Looking out and looking in: Journeys to self-awareness and empathy through creative juxtapositions. By: Journal of Poetry Therapy. Sep 2013, Vol. 26, Issue 3, p159-167
要是唱歌真的能让你做回自己,不妨在公共场合演唱。比方说,去KTV唱歌或加入社区合唱团。让那些能充分表达你自己的音乐融入你的生活。[17]X研究来源 Saarikallio, Suvi. Music as Emotional Self-Regulation throughout Adulthood. Psychology of Music, Jul 2011, v39, n3 p307-327